My introduction to the world of pornography

 In life, there are certain things that one may experience, that they may never have imagined they would. Infact, if I had been told that I would become an addict of masturbation and pornography, I would have laughed or said it's impossible. I always expected my life to be a breeze, right from childhood: Finish school, get admission, finish college, get a job, get married, etc. But before I knew what was happening, the monster known as pornography grabbed me by the neck, and masturbation came soon after to chain me down, bringing my once perfect life to a stand still for 7 years. It was terrible. But before I go into my masturbation story, let me first of all talk about how I started porn. Because mostly this one comes before masturbation. These two demons work hand in hand.

I was always a very smart kid. And being intelligent, I was always very curious. All My childhood, I wanted to be a step closer to adults, wanting to know what they know, or do what they do. I would leave my primary school books to go pickup secondary school textbooks, ask a lot of questions, I had my elder brothers teach me how to browse, when the internet and browsing cellphones were introduced newly, and so on. If there was one thing I remember correctly, it's that  I never shyed away from watching adult movies. And my parents or elder brothers too, didn't discipline me enough not to. We used to sit down together to watch soap operas on TV, sometimes I would sneak and watch movies that were rated 18+. Even movies like spartacus and 300 spartans that had sex scenes, I would sneak to watch the sex scenes, since my brother would mostly skip them when I watch with him. I was so curious to know everything. So eventually I learned to browse, and mostly all I knew to do was download games. Back then as little as 10mb could download up to 10 java games, (e.g price of persia, real football, etc) as they were mostly below 1mb in size. So once in a while, I would see porn advertisements. I never clicked them though. But one day, I was just at a loss for what game to play, so a thought came to my head. I was like "is it possible to find images of naked people here?" So I searched the word "buttocks", and lo and behold a bunch results appeared before me. I was shocked. I never imagined I would see such. Infact I learned a whole lot other keywords to search, and so it kept going and going until I became familiar with so many words I could use to get more fascinating pornography pictures. 

At the time I felt so happy. I thought I was gaining so much from doing what I was doing. "So I could actually see these pretty women naked for free", I thought. Little did I know that everything has a price. Eventually I discovered that the site I used to download games then mostly, also had pornography pictures. But they didn't seem interesting. So I would usually search for celebrity nudes. If I watch a movie and see a pretty lady, I would try to get to know her name, and then search in case she has nudes. It became an obsession. I slowly began wanting to see the nakedness of every sexually attractive lady, even in real life. Sometimes if a lady came to our house to stay, I would go to peep at her when she is bathing. This was what my addiction of pornography led me to. After a while, it was as though I couldn't control myself if I see a naked girl. Seeing little girls bath in real life would turn me on. Infact I remember the day a little girl who was pantless was at home playing with me, my penis became erect. Infact if not for fear, I would have put my penis inside her little vagina. I was almost brushing my erect organ against hers, before I decided to not do it. I'm typing this now with total disgust and regret, but this is what pornography can turn a man into. Infact they were some other girls too, that I would touch in their privates, all because I couldn't resist seeing them naked. I just thank God I didn't disvirgin them introduce any of them to porn or sexual acts. To

After this, I slowly began watching erotic videos. The one which made me to masturbate, I remember vividly. It was a sex video between a man and a woman, and after sexing, the guy stood up and started stroking his penis up and down. I was watching with little interest, until suddenly, I noticed something white and milky came flying out of his organ, and the lady opened her mouth to recieve it. I was surprised. So out of curiosity I was like, can I do that, can this come out of me? 

So I went to the toilet that day (my biggest regret), and began to diligently stroke my organ up and down the way I saw him do. At first it was like nothing will happen. I almost stopped, infact one voice was telling me to forget it and leave that it's probably rubbish. But I was very curious so I said there's no harm in trying anyway. So as I continued, I was almost about stopping, when suddenly, I began to feel a certain sharp and weirdly funny pain inside my genital. The pain was such that it was as though I should itch it from the inside, and being impossible to do so, it made me stroke harder and faster. And suddenly the pain became unbearable and powerful, and it was as though stroking would stop it. But then I began to feel as though something was coming out (I thought it would be pee), but lo and behold, I shook vigorously, and put out my hand, only for a thick milky white liquid to come pouring into my hands. It was so much that I became very scared. At that moment, my curiosity vanished, it was as if the ground should open and swallow me, it was as if my whole world has been snatched from me. Infact I don't know how I managed to stay silent through the whole experience, cause it was quite a an unexpected pain. But young as I was, I felt like I lost something that day. I didn't even know that what I just spilled out was my sperm, or that it was my seed, or that it was my energy, or that I was risking my destiny, or any of that. But I felt lost, afraid, broken, and confused and damaged. And I just went to the bathroom and started rolling on the floor, crying to God to forgive me. No one told me I had sinned, I don't know how I just knew it. And I rolled on the floor that night for about 10 minutes, begging God to forgive me, and promising to never ever do it again. I felt something I've never felt before that day. And till today, I know within my heart that I lost something that day. But sadly, that was just the beginning of my misery. I didn't masturbate again for another 3 to 4 years, however my porn addiction didn't go away. I don't know how God took away masturbation from me that time, but he did. And the next time I masturbated again, it was the devil using my curiosity again, against me. That'll be in my next article. Thanks for reading.